To Me, Blade-of-Fire, and Innocence-Lost

we all turn 21 today and I will update latter with Pics of me drunk if I remember.

If I have a date
and I think I'm going to mount her,
I go to the drug store and I head to the counter.
I get what I need and I put it in my wallet,
It's the same old thing no matter what you call it!

A Condom, A Scrote Coat, a Man Hole Cover,
A Pork Cork, a Clam Dam, a plain old Rubber!
A Head Shed, A Knob Swab, a Third Leg Stocking,
It's all the same when your bed starts rocking!

Oh my!

If you want to meet me for a little tryst,
put a Coney Island Whitefish on your shopping list!
Slip it on when you're getting hot,
Then no one has to sleep on the gooey spot!

Get a Gent Tent, a Carp Tarp, a Hog Leg Trouser,
A Wood Hood, a Clap Cap, a Doogie Houser
A Wank Tank, a Root Boot, a Prophylactic,
It'll look real slick in a Johnson Jacket!

Wrap that rascal up in a Salami Sling!
When you hit the sack, you're ready Jack,
To do the nasty thing!

Put on a Jock Sock, a Beave Sleeve, a Canyon Coaster,
A Ball Shawl, a Spunk Trunk, a Love Gun Holster!
A Meat Sheet, a Goose Noose, a Rod Partition,
Do the math, there's no new addition!

I met a young lady in a singles bar, ooh!
Pretty soon we're getting naked in my car!
And now she tells me I'm gonna be a dad
I could kick myself cause I wish I had -

Worn a Muff Moat, a Stilt Kilt, a Large Load Stopper,
A Poon Balloon, or a Totem Pole Topper!
A Wad Pod, a Wet Suit, a Gonad Girdle,
Cause you never know when she might be fertile!

Oh no, ME???

Neutralize your Schlong with a Dong Sarong!
When you're in bed, use a Tickler Head,
And she'll think you're King Kong!

In this News Post every story I have made can be found in a PDF Format.

Legend of Hiro the Starlight Blade: http://www.mediafire.com/?8143eidzunc

Samurai's Vow: http://www.mediafire.com/?7bgebtbmtsl

Special Education: http://www.mediafire.com/?81ntz3zcgzy

The Storm: http://www.mediafire.com/?0z0ti9gji1t

Current Project: Autumn Love Song

Will add more as I finish.

Are you an EFG?

36holla
Brelmzorz
Chaw
Conjon
g0t
RedDreadSky
Rideo
Someguy789
Splurda
WhiteKingdom
WTL

Will add more as more prove them selves to be EFG

The picture is of The EFG Himself. Don't be like him or these people.

They say Christmas is a time for giving - at least that's what the good book says, and at our house every Christmas Eve my son and daughter and their families drive down from the big city for an old fashioned family holiday. Ma dresses the house up like a Christmas card, you can hear her in the kitchen singing while she's baking cookies for the children. Ma spends hours wrapping the presents she's been buying since last August and hangs all the stockings over the fireplace. The morning of, I cut me down the prettiest darn Christmas tree you ever saw in your life. Eh, this year we really outdid ourselves. You know, Ma and I are getting on in our years so we decided to give the kids tax-free cash gifts of $10,000 apiece.

(barking)

I reckon it was around noon, I heard the dogs barking (yells "Come Rags!, Come Guzzler!") and there was Jim the mailman in his old santa cap, coming up the walk teasing the dogs, holding a package. Well he handed it over to me and says "Pappy, looks like you got an overnite package from your daughter". I went back in the kitchen and Ma tore it open. To our horror we unwrapped a fruitcake with a note that read...

"Aloha Ma & Dad, at the last minute we got a cheap fare on the internet and went to Hawaii. Hold onto our gifts until after the first of the year. Love, Princess."

Well, Ma's heart was broken and I felt a lump in my throat as I thought to myself...

You Ain't Getting Shit For Christmas
You can shove that fruitcake up your ass
well you ain't getting shit
no you ain't getting dick
you ain't getting shit for Christmas

You know, Ma hasn't had a drink in 20 years and I've been off the sauce a while myself and heck, if there was ever an excuse to start drinking again. (sfx-doorbell) Who in tarnation could that be, Junior and his family? It was some delivery fella standing there holding what looked like a fruitcake tin with a card attached.

"Pop, the company's condo is free this week and you know how much Pumpkin and I love Hilton Head. Please forward our gifts to this address."

(sfx-cork and pouring sound)

Hey Ma, save some for me. Well, Ma took a coniption things turned ugly. She started breaking things and hurled the turkey and those two fruitcakes right through the front window, the whole time she was yelling...

You Ain't Getting Shit For Christmas
You can shove that fruitcake up your ass
well you ain't getting shit
no you ain't getting dick
you ain't getting shit for Christmas

FOR WE ARE MANY

Hello I'm back from the date. And I think I am in love. Tristan(the friend that set this thing up) Thank you for setting this date up.

So heres the details, Her names April, And we really hit it off. I mean she's Cute, Smart, Funny, Just basically everything I look for in a woman.

Well, I went by the florist bought some pink Roses, and then went to pick her up. When she answered the door, I lost my voice for a second. But then we got through the formalities of everything. By this time it is around 5:00 so we head on out, I open the door of the car for her and close it after she gets in. We went to the Olive Garden for dinner, spent a good 2 hours there, just talking, and how we both knew Tristan, About each other, what we do for a living. Then to the movies, we went to see, A Movie of her choice. What struck me was she chose 30 Days of night. Now this makes her a keeper right here, She likes the same kind of movies I do. An Awesome movie, that makes 3 times that I have seen it. After the movie, we walked down to the Cold Stone Creamery(Like 5 fee from the theater) and talked a little more, over some ice cream. This night is going so perfect. So I hated for it to end. But All good things must come to an end. So I drover back to her place, walked her to the door.

What I wasn't expecting as the Goodnight kiss. Well it was just a kiss on the cheek, But it caught me off guard. I just sat there like a complete idiot, speechless as she wrote her phone number down and told me to call her.

So now I am back here, just praying that i don;t wake up and find out that this whole thing was a dream.

There was a young lady named Sharkey
Who had an affair with a darkey.
The result of her sins
Was quadruplets, not twins,
One white, and one black, and two khaki.

Well what do you think? Too much?

Well good job finding this page..